Selective Perfectionism

      Happy Monday! I hope everyone had a great start to their week! For me, everything was going pretty well until my last class, which happened to be English, when I received the grade for my AP English paper. Now this isn't just any ol' essay. This was the essay that allows us to receive college credit, so it was much bigger. We had to read a book (I chose Pride & Prejudice) and compare it to other novels that we'd read last semester for class. Okay so I had literally never worked as hard on anything than I did on that paper. I met with my teacher countless times and I read it over and over again to make sure it was perfect. I turned it in feeling very confident that I would receive an A, and I had never been prouder of an essay.
      So flash forward to a few hours ago when I got the paper back and I got a 92%. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand those people who complain about getting anything less than 100%, but I truly felt that my essay deserved an A (rather than an A-). I met with my teacher after class to ask him why he didn't point out the essay's flaws during all the times I had meetings with him, and he told me there were structural problems that I didn't fix and that I didn't make enough connections between each of the novels. Deep down, I knew he was right, but I let my pride get in the way and I basically demanded that he give me an A. He told me to read the comments again when I wasn't feeling so angry, and he made some really good points about my writing.
       I went directly from English to rehearsal for Grease, where I was talking to another girl in my class and she asked me what I got on the paper. I told her my grade and that I felt it deserved an A, and she said: "I thought my paper should have gotten a better grade, too! I only got a 97%." I swear to God I almost straight up punched her in the throat. I just know she didn't work half as hard on her paper as I did on mine, and it just kills me that she got an A+ and I only got an A-.
      Since then, I've been thinking about why I care so much that I got a slightly lower grade than I was expecting, and I seriously think I have selective perfectionism, which is a term of my own creation. It means I only care about some things, but I really care about those things. English used to be my best subject, and I could get 100% on pretty much everything without really trying, and this has been the first year ever when I've had to actually put in effort, and even when I do try I don't really do that well. It sucks because I'm not even good at the one thing I thought I was good at. I guess I just have to try to move past this. It's not the end of the world that I didn't get an A!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Grease 2014

      Happy Thursday! Although I'm just a cheerleader in my school's production of Grease the musical, I'm getting super excited to wear a poodle skirt, white Keds, and a high ponytail. There's something about doing the hand-jive and saying words like "nifty" that make me want to go back in time to the 1950s. The show is in two weeks (omg) and we haven't gotten our costumes yet, nor have we built our set. . .however, I'm completely confident that we'll be able to pull everything together. Last year when we did Into the Woods we didn't have a set until two days before the show and it turned out pretty well, so I'm hoping for the best. Wish us luck!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Creating New Versions of Myself: Parisian

      Happy Wednesday! I can't believe the week is already half-way over, but I'm not complaining! This week has been pretty good so far; I've been running on the treadmill and wearing cute outfits which always puts me in a better mood. I've also been trying this new thing where I "create different versions of myself (I know, I'm pretty weird), where I basically just fantasize about what my life would be like if I lived somewhere else. I think I just have this overpowering feeling of wanderlust and all I can think about 90% of the time is traveling. Last week I imagined what Parisian Brooke would be like, and this is what I came up with:

Paris Brooke...

• Loves going to the cinema
• Goes to the market every week
• Constantly shops
• Lives in a charming studio
• Travels to the countryside
• Paints landscapes
• Loves the ballet
• Wears stripes, skirts, and berets
• Goes dancing with her friends
• Sips coffee while reading
• Drives a vespa
• Indulges in macaroons and champagne
• Never leaves the house without her Chanel No. 5

      I know that most of these things aren't really characteristic of Paris, but it's just how I imagine my life if I lived in Paris. To get me in the mood, I watched Funny Face and Midnight in Paris (omg I love that movie so much). I have other versions of myself that I'll be sharing each week! Next week is New England and I'm obsessed.

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Happy First Birthday to My Life as a Wallflower!!!

      I just realized that this blog's first birthday was yesterday, and I felt like I should recognize this milestone! I know I haven't been the most consistent with my blog posts, but I'm pretty surprised that I'm still posting a year later! I had no idea what this would turn out to be, but I'm so glad I decided to make this little blog :)

Thank you to everyone who reads (if anyone does...)!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Second-Semester Senior

      Happy Tuesday! Today was pretty great; I was wearing a cute outfit, people were pretty nice, I wasn't assigned too much homework, and the weather was perfect. So I'm currently a second-semester senior in high school, and I can't believe I only have 95 days left until graduation, but I also can't believe I have 95 whole days left until graduation. As I was telling my (hopefully) future roommate yesterday, I feel so conflicted about leaving high school and going off to college because I could not be more excited to go to KU and go through rush and every other part of the college experience, but I'm also incredibly nervous and a little sad to be leaving my school, which I've attended for nearly sixteen years.
      I've never not been a student a my school and I feel like it's defined so much of my life and who I am so it will probably be a little harder for me to leave high school than most students. When I was younger I used to want to go to college super far away, but now that I'm going to be in college in a matter of months, I couldn't be happier that I'll only be 40 minutes away from home, where my mom can make dinner for me and my dad can fix anything that's broken :).
      If any high school students who aren't seniors yet are reading this, I feel like I should let you know that the second semester of your senior year is not as easy as many people will probably tell you that it is! I have to do this crazy senior project where I write a ten-paged paper and give a 20-minute presentation about it at the end of the semester in front of a bunch of teachers, parents, and other students and it's incredibly stressful. Just keep in mind that you have to finish your last semester strong! I can't wait to be finished :)

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Snow Days!

       Happy Wednesday! Both yesterday and today were snow days, and they have been so relaxing! I didn't realize how much I needed these days to just lie on the couch and do nothing! It's back to the daily grind tomorrow, but hopefully I'll feel much more refreshed than I've been feeling recently.
       I've watched the last episode of Sherlock (omg best show ever...but it might not be back until 2016...), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (judge me), The King's Speech, several episodes of How I Met Your Mother, New Girl, and The Office, I've baked mocha fudge brownies (to die for), I made snow ice cream, I did a craft using last year's Lilly Pulitzer agenda pages, I've been reading Lolita, I cleaned my bedroom and bathroom, gave myself a mani/pedi, ran on the treadmill (I could barely run for 20 minutes...it was pathetic), and cuddled with Maggie. I'd say I've had some pretty great snow days :)
      Also, this has been my quote for the week and I quite love it. Design a life that you love!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke