Eternally Mediocre

      Happy Wednesday! This post is my third and final one for today. Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you honestly, truly, deserve something, and you expect to receive it, and then you don't? Even worse, have you really wanted something and then someone else, whom you feel is less qualified than you are, receives it? That situation is the story of my life.
      Whether it's been a spot on the A-Team for 8th grade basketball, a part in the play or musical, a date for prom, or today, being on Varsity for cheer, I've always, every single time, expected to get those things, because I honestly thought I deserved it. And it always seems that the person I want to get it the least gets it. Maybe it's karma. I don't know. All I know is that I've never been the best at anything. Don't get me wrong, I'm not terrible at everything (hopefully), I'm just mediocre. And somehow that seems worse than being terrible. Because I'm good enough where I can hope for something, and even expect it, but bad enough so that I...don't. I'm okay at sports. I'm average in beauty. I'm passable in school. I'm decent in plays and musicals. See a trend? I'm terrible at plenty of things, but I'm merely "acceptable" in most other areas in my life.
      Almost all of my other friends have at least one thing that they're just really talented at, and they're the best at it (at least in my grade). Whether it's ice skating, horseback riding, writing, math, public speaking, school in general, playing an instrument, or they're just really nice, everyone has at least one thing (don't even get me started on my friends who seem to be the best at everything). And then there's me. I swear I'm not being modest. I'm completely truthful. As an almost-senior, I did expect to make varsity for cheer, but instead I'm on the "Varsity Alternate," where I have to do the cheers before each game perfectly in front of the whole team, and if I do them well enough, I get to cheer with varsity. Lucky me. And the worst part? There are at least three people to my knowledge on varsity where I know I deserved to be on varsity more than they did. I'm honestly not trying to be entitled or anything like that, but I know that I care about cheer more than they do and I work harder than they do.
      But this post is about so much more than not getting on varsity cheer; it's about the fact that I never seem to be good enough for anything. And all I want to know is why. Why do I not have a special talent like everyone else does? When am I going to be the best at something? Why can't someone else be jealous of something that I can do that other people can't, just once? I hope the time comes soon, because I'm starting to get really tired of always being on the B-Team, or Varsity Alternate, or in the choir, or getting mostly B's in school.

Carpe Diem,
Brooke