Winter Break!

      Happy Thursday! I finished my last final this morning so it is officially WINTER BREAK! I have been looking forward to this day for so long, yet something feels weird. I just had my last Holiday Choir Concert which I was kind of sad about, so maybe it's just that, but I definitely feel off for some reason. I think it might have something to do with the holidays as a teenager, which sucks because you're expected to be more of an adult and care less about Christmas, but part of you is still that kid who loves Christmas more than anything ever, but you can't act like that because it's not "mature". Growing up is the worst. I just want to stay a kid forever! Perhaps I can join Peter Pan and the Lost Boys?
      Over winter break, I plan to watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy, Sex and the City, Friends, sleep, and read my new book, Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. I'll be spending the holidays with family (trying to act like a grown-up and failing) and then I'll be getting ready for Hawaii! I hope it's the best winter break yet, and then I'm a second-semester senior! Wooooooo!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

I See the Light

      Happy Wednesday! Today was my second day of finals, and I am so looking forward to tomorrow at 11 a.m. when my AP Environmental Science final is finished. It's been a really stressful week (which is apparent from my bruised middle finger due to writing so much and my killer headache), but I've been able to get this far by thinking about Christmas, New Year's Eve, and HAWAII. It's legitimately all I think about, especially during my finals (oops), and I've been counting down since there were 120 days until Hawaii, and now it's only 18! Here's our itinerary:

Day 1: arrive in Honolulu, check into our hotel, poolside pizza party

Day 2: Pearly Harbor Tour, state Capitol building, swimming and shopping

Day 3: Diamond Head (volcano), Chief's Luau in Oahu

Day 4: Hanauma Bay marine preserve, snorkeling, dinner on the beach

Day 5: Kualoa Ranch, movie set tour, swimming, kayaking, snorkeling, canoeing

Overnight flight

I'm so excited for all of it! Wish me luck in my final tomorrow!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Focus on Happy

      Happy Sunday! So I just read my last post about how I felt like nothing was going right in my life, which was a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I still kind of feel that way most of the time and it's not fun. I don't know what it is, but I constantly feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. Nothing in particular, just something. I'm waiting for my life to get better, which is a problem because it's not just going to "get better" unless I make it so. I need to work on my attitude and how I deal with negative situations. I'm working on it. I wonder if something's wrong with me; maybe I should talk to someone, but I don't know if I like the idea of paying a lot of money which may not result in anything better. I need to try to fix this on my own, and if by December 3rd I'm still relatively miserable, I'll look into talking to someone. Wish me luck!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Sinking

Happy Saturday! I'm writing this post because I need to put my thoughts where I can see them. Recently, I've been feeling like I'm sinking and there's nothing I can do about it. I am so incredibly stressed and irritable 24/7 and everything pisses me off or makes me want to cry (and I'm not PMSing). School, cheer, friends, family, and everything in between just sucks at the highest level right now. If it was just a few things that sucked, I could handle it, but it's everything all at once and I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't do anything right or make anyone (including myself) happy anymore, and I'm constantly on the verge of tears. Nothing makes me smile, and I always feel like I have zero energy. I have more homework than ever (with the least amount of motivation ever), my "friends" don't seem to care about me and everything they say makes me want to punch them in the face, my family is either telling me to shut up or telling me I'm stupid, I hate cheer with a passion, and all I want to do is lie in bed and do nothing. This isn't me. I'm not a super-happy-all-the-time person, but I'm definitely not this hopeless, lifeless, miserable person either. Everything feels like it's going wrong and I'm just so sad all the time. I just want to feel better again.

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

An Update on My Life

       Happy Monday! Firstly, I'm so sorry I haven't posted in so long. I've been so busy and too tired to do anything other than watch TV. So here's an update on what's been going on in the past month:

• Senior Year: has been super stressful but super fun. I love all my classes (AP European History, AP Environmental Science, Calculus, Chorale, and AP English), and I love cheering at Friday night football games. I'm not always loving the work load and the amount of stress that comes with preparing for college. 
• Grey's Anatomy: is the best show ever. I just started season 3 this afternoon and it's embarrassing how many episodes I've watched in one sitting (12?). Meredith is incredibly annoying, I love George to death, and I can't decide if I'm an Izzie or a Christina. Even though I absolutely hate blood, the show makes a small part of me want to be a surgeon. Saving lives seems pretty cool, even if it is just a TV show.
• Homecoming: was this weekend and it was so much fun! I had an amazing time with friends eating dinner (white cheese fondue with pretzel bread, filet mignon, and creme brulee), dancing, and laughing at everything. The last one was the best one.
• Russian Literature: so for English class we had to read Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky, and it was really weird but I kind of loved it. I'm not really sure how to describe it. It's basically this guy bitching about everything, but at times he gets really deep and philosophical and it's amazing. I can relate.
• Hawaii and New York City: better look out because I'm on my way! I'm so excited and I've set countdowns to both trips on my phone. Over winter break, I'm going to Hawaii as a school trip (although non-academic) to see Pearl Harbor, go snorkeling, go to a Luau, hike a volcano, and do other amazing things! In March, my choir at school gets to sing at Carnegie Hall and see sights in NYC and I can't wait! I've always wanted to travel, and both of these trips will be my first times out of the Midwest! I'm paying for both of these trips, which means my bank account will be completely empty, but I know they'll be worth it.

I'll be posting more often; I've missed this little blog of mine. :)
Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Just Say No

      Happy Friday! I'm so happy right now because today was the last day of work for me! I can't even describe how happy I am because I'm finally finished having to care about work. The thing about my job is that I have to be completely selfless and take care of kids who aren't always very appreciative. I'm simply not mature enough to be able to put that much effort into entertaining and taking care of them all the time. That's why it was particularly important for me to carve out "me time" this summer; it was the only way I could get through all 12 weeks of work. Anyway, I'm so glad it's over!
       This week there was a parent who just recently moved here, and she asked me if I could babysit her daughter every Wednesday. She said I would pick her up from soccer practice, then take her home, make her dinner, then put her to bed. Every Wednesday. Like a natural reaction, I automatically said yes without even thinking. I went home and told my parents about my new "part-time job" and they couldn't believe I agreed to the mom. My mom kept going on and on about how I'm already doing cheer, I'm the president of the community service club, volunteering, babysitting for other families, plus senior year is extremely taxing enough. I hadn't even thought about those things; I'm just used to always saying yes to whatever people want me to do for them. I always seem to think that I can do anything (in a sense) and I'll do it perfectly and it won't be stressful or challenging at all. You'd think I'd have learned by now, but it's probably my greatest weakness.
      I've always been a people-pleaser. I don't want anyone to think I can't do something, and that I can't do it flawlessly. But the thing is that I get stressed so easily, especially when I've got a thousand things to do! I just hate disappointing people. Perfectionism is honestly such a curse because I'm almost never satisfied with anything I do, and I can easily push myself too hard, which results in a mental and emotional breakdown. I feel like I have so many expectations to have these grades, these activities, act this way, look this way, all while being gracious and kind. It's a definite struggle, but I really have to work on living my own life and not worrying about what other people think, because when it comes to my life, I'm the only one who matters. I'm working on it! Hopefully I'll be able to improve once school starts on Monday. I can't believe I'm a senior!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

New Shoes Cure the Blues

      Happy Monday! Today started out pretty rough. First of all, I had to wake up at 6 in order to be at work by 7:15, and since I hadn't slept very well it was really hard for me to wake up so early.
      Secondly, my drive to work felt like I was driving through a lake the whole time because it was raining so hard! My windshield wipers were useless because it was so much rain, and it seemed like a constant waterfall on my windshield. It was the most stressed I've ever felt while driving!
      Thirdly, I was super excited to go shopping with my friend after work, but she canceled on me last minute "because she needed to save her money." This might seem like a legitimate excuse, except that I go shopping with her just so she can get stuff all the time! Why couldn't she do the same for me just once? Or we could just do something else together on the last day of summer! But no, my "friend" can be rather selfish.
      Perhaps this was for the best and it was a sign that I should stop being friends with her, since this is certainly not the first time she's canceled plans on me. I've been best friends with her since I was six months old and she was three months; perhaps it's time that we stop trying to make our friendship work because we've simply become too different.
       So I was pretty bummed when I got home from work because I had been saving my babysitting money just so I could go shopping. I told my mom what happened, and she was sweet enough to go shopping with me at the mall! It was so nice of her, and we had so much fun together. Way more fun than I would have had with my friend. I got two pairs of shoes, the cutest navy tank top with a scalloped white and pink collar, and a dress for my senior pictures!

New Sperry's! My old ones are disgusting.

Nike Air Maxes were on sale!

        So yeah, the day started badly but ended wonderfully! I'm just going to move on from my incident with my friend and not let it bother me anymore (plus, the new shoes help!). :)

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Great Day!

      Happy Saturday! I spent my favorite day of the week doing my favorite things. I watched Amelie for maybe the sixth time this summer (see my Amelie appreciation post), then I went shopping for school supplies, which is what I look forward to all summer.

Ah, the illusion of productivity

      Afterward, my mom and I got pedicures together! I hope it lasts until the first day of school (which is the 19th), and I plan on getting a manicure the day before. After our nails dried, we went home, picked up my dad and brother, and went to see We're the Millers with Jennifer Aniston (my girl crush) and Jason Sudeikis and it was hilarious. Oh my goodness I was laughing the whole time! After the movie, we went home and ate dinner. Then I made some Lilly Pulitzer binder covers which I'm very proud of.

      Then I took my dogs on a walk because it was such a beautiful night! I feel so lucky to have gotten to do such fun things on one of my last weekends of summer!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

101st Post!

      Happy Thursday! So I totally planned on having a special "100th Post" but I guess I just totally forgot about it last time, and my 100th post was about all those crazy applications I have to fill out! Oh well, I guess 101 can be a special number too! I know I don't post super frequently, and most of my posts are pretty boring, but I really enjoy running this blog. It's like my own little personal diary, except I feel like I get to share bits and pieces of my life, and it's forever stored on this great thing called the internet.
       I'm just so busy trying to get stuff done all the time that I don't always get to share a lot of parts about my life, like how I've worked every day all summer plus babysit at least twice a week, and that I'm going to start volunteering at the Down Syndrome Guild next Friday. I think I overall am content with my life, but I don't think I'm positively over-the-moon about it. Like yesterday, I was so tired of working that I had to bribe myself that I would get gelato after dinner if I could make it through the day. Tonight I got more gelato (don't judge) but just stayed in the parking lot for about an hour reading my book because I was so sick of staying at home. It's been a rough week.
       I got my senior schedule today and I'm pretty happy about my teachers. I just want summer to end so I can start my senior year! Don't get me wrong, I hate school, but I'm just ready to move on to the next chapter of my life at KU. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but think of my senior year merely as a gap year between high school and college. I know it's going to be super tough, but I'm hoping I won't be as stressed as most of my peers since I already know where I'm going to college.
       Happy 101st Post, and thanks for sticking with My Life as a Wallflower!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Application Struggles

      Happy Monday! So I'm currently in the process of trying to apply to the honors program at KU and to live in a scholarship hall, and the HP requires one essay and the schol-hall requires two. I've written the essay for the HP, so now I'm trying to figure out how to contract with student housing and writing an essay for it!
       I have to write about which two or three activities shaped me into the person I am today and why, and I'm really struggling. I wish I'd done a community service trip in Latin America, but, unfortunately, that hasn't happened yet. All I do is cheer, the musical, and my summer job, so I'm writing about the latter two. But they honestly really haven't shaped me very much, so it's a struggle to try to write about them in a way that makes them seem really influential.
      I wish I could write about something like why my favorite movie is my favorite. I could easily write an essay about why I love Forrest Gump so much. Argh, I just want this whole process to be over!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Change of Scenery

      Happy Sunday! This weekend my family and I traveled to the lake for a nice change of scenery, and something about camping helped me to break up the pattern I'd gotten myself stuck in. Recently I've been going to my essay-writing class, working, then coming home to do nothing but watch TV. That's exactly what I told myself I wouldn't do this summer, because I wanted to spend my free time doing things I want to do but can't during the school year. I've come up with a (flexible) schedule to keep myself busy and off the couch for too long!

Monday and Tuesday

• Eat breakfast; Special K, fruit, and tea
• Essay class
• Work
• Come home, watch TV (one or two episodes)
• Run or do yoga
• Shower
• Eat dinner
• Do a craft
• Blog post
• Watch a movie

Wednesday

• Eat breakfast
• Watch TV
• Learn Italian
• Read
• Go to work
• Come home, watch TV
• Run/yoga
• Shower
• Eat dinner
• Craft
• Blog post 
• Movie

Thursday

• Eat breakfast
• Watch TV
• Plan outfits for school
• Work
• Come home, watch TV
• Run/yoga
• Shower
• Eat dinner
• Read
• Blog post
• Movie

Friday

• Eat breakfast
• Watch TV
• Read
• Work
• Come home, watch TV
• Run/yoga
• Shower
• Something fun with a friend!

     I know it doesn't sound very active, but this is just a tentative schedule to give me ideas to just do stuff throughout the day other than working and watching TV. Have a great week!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke 

All Work and No Play

       Happy Monday! Have you ever heard the phrase "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"? I guess it's from "The Shiner," which I've never seen, but I've been hearing it a lot lately and recently I've been feeling a strong connection to it. I just found out that I didn't get any weeks off for the last three weeks of summer, which means that I got zero weeks off total. That's right, minus two days for college visits, I will have worked all twelve weeks of summer. Plus babysitting most weekends. Also, starting tomorrow, I'm going to be in a college essay writing class through next Tuesday.

     
      We didn't go on any vacations or do anything fun all summer. I hate to sound like such a spoiled brat,  but when summer had just begun I expected to have this really awesome and memorable summer. Alas, no. The "no play" part is a bit of an exaggeration; I have gone to the movies a couple times and I did participate in the Color Run on Saturday (see my post on my other blog, Bowties & Ballet Flats! I never thought I would say this, but I just want summer to be over! I'm ready for my senior year! Oh, by the way, I got into KU! Rock Chalk!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Amelie

      Happy Monday! I hope everyone had a great start to the week; mine started early since I have to wake up at 6! I work until 12:45, then I came home watched Amelie, learned some Italian from my library CD set, finished my latest masterpiece (which I'll show you tomorrow!), and I've been listening to This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald on tape.
      Amelie is officially one of my new favorite movies. Starring Audrey Tautou and made in 2001, IMDb describes the movie thus: "Amelie, an innocent and naive girl in Paris, with her own sense of justice, decides to help those around her and along the way, discovers love."
      

      
       I think I love this movie so much because Amelie is so relatable; I think a lot of people (including me) struggle with taking risks and connecting with other people. In many ways, I feel exactly like Amelie. She goes out of her way to do good for other people and works to clean up other peoples' messy lives, yet she can't clean up her own. I won't spoil what happens, but I highly recommend that you watch it! It's easily one of my new favorite movies, and I could watch it every day.

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

This Past Week

      Happy Sunday! I haven't posted this whole week because I've been so busy every night, and to prove it to you, here's what I've been doing all week:

Sunday: My parents and I dropped off my brother at soccer camp in St. Joseph, and while we were there we visited the St. Joseph Lunatic Asylum. It was interesting but also very sad to see how people with mental disabilities were treated as recently as the 1960s.

The Daddy and I in front of the hospital! Shirt: J. Crew Factory

, Shorts: Gap, Tote: Longchamp, Bangle: Kate Spade

 

Monday: I worked from 7:15-3:45 so I was super tired, and I just went home and watched movies on Netflix. I watched The Bachelorette with Kirsten Dunst, Rebel Wilson, Isla Fisher, and Lizzy Caplan and it was hilarious! Then I watched Pocahontas. Don't judge.

Tuesday: I worked all day, then I babysat all night. Okay, not all night, but long enough so that I didn't have enough time to post! Also, I found out that I got in to KU! I'm going to be a Jayhawk! I couldn't be more excited :)

Wednesday: Long day at work, although the fact that there's a little Australian girl in the class I was assisting provided some amusement.

She said in her adorable accent: "Miss Brooke, I want a strawberry lolly!"

Thursday: I took my friend out to dinner (the one who took me to see Rocky Horror) and then walked around at the park by my house, just catching up and talking about life.

Friday: My friend and I co-hosted a BBQ at the park by my school, and we had so much fun grilling hot dogs, climbing trees, then getting ice cream. It was so fun to do something social!

Saturday: I spent all day watching Netflix (Gossip Girl, Katy Perry: Part of Me, Flashdance, and Elizabethtown), then last night my parents and I saw Flashdance the Musical at Starlight Theatre!

And today I'm going to babysit then work again all week! I'll try to post more often this week :)

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Recipe of the Month: Green Drink

      Happy Saturday! I hope everyone had a great week and a great Fourth of July! Today my mom and brother and I tried something new: Dr. Oz's Green Drink. It's not exactly the easiest (or cheapest) thing to make, nor is it the tastiest, but it's high in fiber and low-calorie. We've never been the type of people to eat super-healthy stuff and make juices and smoothies with spinach, but it was interesting to think of all the benefits in drinking the juice! Here's how to make it:


Ingredients

Makes 3-4 servings (about 28-30 oz)

2 cups spinach
1/2 cucumber
1/4 head of celery
1/2 bunch parsley
1 bunch mint
3 carrots (I ate all our carrots this week, so our drink didn't have any. Oops!)

2 apples

1/4 orange
1/4 lime
1/4 lemon
1/4 pineapple
We also added 1/4 cup of protein powder!

Directions
Combine all ingredients in a blender. Serve and enjoy!

The end result:

      I'm not going to lie, it was really hard for me to drink the whole glass. The taste, the color, the smell...let's just say it was a one-time-only drink. But maybe you'll enjoy it more than I did!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

GUESS WHAT

I JUST APPLIED TO THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS. I'M GOING TO BE A JAYHAWK.

I literally could not be more excited right now! I can't believe this is happening. Oh my goodness. So far, July's treated me pretty well.

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Getting Serious

      Happy Saturday! This week I got a major wake-up call: this time next year, I'll be getting ready for college. College was always kind of that thing that seemed so far away, and that even though I knew it would eventually happen, it would be a long time before I actually had to start worrying about it. Well, that "someday" magically turned into right now.
      It's so crazy to think that for the first time ever that I can remember, I won't be living in this house with my parents. Also, I won't be attending the only school I've ever gone to. I know I still have another year left, and I know I'm not always the biggest fan of my school, but it's where I've grown up. My entire life (almost) has happened while I've been at this school, and I can't imagine not going there. Ever. Even though my school has made me miserable at times, it has ultimately prepared me for living my life to its full potential, and I know that I owe all future successes to it. Who knew I could get so sentimental about this school?! But really, it will always represent home to me.
      Anyway, I've been researching scholarships and essay-writing and everything in between in order to be as prepared as possible for college before my senior year has even begun! It's kind of annoying to worry about this stuff during the summer, but it means I'll be able to focus on school work once school starts while most of my other classmates will be trying to figure out where they want to go. Wish me luck in this whole "getting serious about college" process!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Harry Potter Marathon!

      Happy Monday! So you all know how obsessed I am with Harry Potter, and I've decided to devote this week to watching all eight of the films! I usually have a Harry Potter marathon bi-annually, and they're what I live for. All eight of the movies adds up to a total of about 20 hours, which is insane to think that eight movies could be almost as long as a whole day, but that's why I split them up into 8 nights! Tonight I watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and I just love watching the earlier ones because Harry, Ron, and Hermione are so young and nothing's all that serious yet. Do you have a movie/series of movies that are comforting for you to watch?

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

A Social Weekend

      Happy Sunday! It may be hard to believe, but I actually spent this weekend with friends! Yesterday I went with a group of friends to Worlds of Fun (an amusement park) where we ate dippin' dots, rode roller coasters, and I even did the rip cord, which pulls you up in a harness about a hundred feet (it's so high!) and then you pull the rip cord and you drop so quickly you're scared your hearts going to fly out of your mouth! Talk about an adrenaline rush! Today my friends and I went to lunch and saw The Bling Ring, a movie with Emma Watson (my biggest girl crush) about teenagers who rob the homes of celebrities. I absolutely loved it; the acting was amazing. Then we went to the pool to work on our tans! It was a great weekend. Hopefully we'll all have even better weeks ahead of us!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

I Might Know Where I'm Going to College...?

      Happy Tuesday! I definitely don't want you to get the impression that I know where I'm going to college, but I didn't know how else to title this post. Yesterday, I visited Washburn in Topeka, KS, where my mom went to school and I thought I was going there for a long time. It's a wonderful school, and I'm sure I would be happy there, but today I went to the University of Kansas and things finally became much clearer. Right now, I want to become a special education teacher. I say "right now" because I know it may be subject to change. I've also thought about becoming an occupational therapist, which Washburn doesn't offer. I'm not saying anything's final (I haven't even applied), but right now KU is at the top of my list because: a) its special education program is #1 in the nation, b) I would be able to study abroad while getting credit hours at KU, and c) I'm not gonna lie, KU basketball has been one of my passions for as long as I can remember, and it would be really exciting to be in the student section at Allen Fieldhouse :)

What do you think? Where did you go/where are you looking at for college?

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Happy Father's Day!

      Happy Father's Day, everyone! Be sure to thank your father and grandfather (and maybe even your great-grandfather!) for everything they do for you. You may not always see it, but they've done a lot. Today we had brunch and then my dad and I went shopping and he bought his first pair of Sperry's. I'm so proud of him. I hope everyone had a great day!

I duckfaced before it was cool :)

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

New Goal

      Happy Friday! I feel like I say this every Friday, but it's finally the weekend! It's been such a long week, and I'm so glad I finally get to do something just for me! This week I've been trying to work out more by running at the park by my house. On Monday I started out with a light, short run, and I've progressively increased distance and speed over the course of the week! Today I ran with my best friend and we ran a 5k! I was quite proud of myself for running, since it's super hard for me to find the motivation to exercise.
      My friend and I ran pretty slowly, but by the end of our run we felt like we were on top of the world. Here we were, on a Friday evening in 90 degree weather, running over three miles. That may not sound like much to you, but we felt very accomplished by the end of it. In fact, we loved how we felt so much that we decided to set a goal: we're going to run a 5k once every week for the rest of the summer in preparation for a real 5k race at the end of the summer. Hopefully this goal will help motivate us to run and live healthier! I definitely need to cut down on the ice cream. What about you? Do you have any fitness-related goals for the summer?

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

The Pool

     Happy Wednesday! I hope the first half of your week has gone well! Although this week has definitely been better than last week for me, there's one major misfortune that occurred this week: the air conditioning in my house is broken. And it's 100 degrees. And I'm miserable. My house feels like an oven and I'm sweating just lying here in bed! We have all of our fans running and our windows open, but I still feel like I'm sitting in a sauna. Today I decided I couldn't sit in the house any longer, so I went outside (in the 100 degree weather) to cool off. I know. It's ridiculous. So I went to the pool (admittedly, it was a kiddy pool but it was the closest one to my house). I just lay on a chair and read a book and worked on my tan. It felt great with the breeze!
      The pool is actually kind of a cool place, and somewhat underrated. I went by myself, and I'm so glad I did. When I go to the pool with a friend, I feel the need to make small talk. But when it was just me, I really felt like I was having quality "me time," which is extremely important, yet, I fear, loses value all the time. Being alone with a good book is a great way to leave yourself to your thoughts and become completely absorbed in the plot of the book. I hope I'm not forced to go outside tomorrow because it's too hot in my house, though! Hopefully our new air conditioner will be installed tomorrow, or else I'm going to go crazy.

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

TGIF

      Happy Friday (finally)!! This has been the longest week ever, and I'm so glad it's the weekend! Tonight my family and I went out to eat and went to our town's carnival and we had a great time! Unfortunately, tomorrow morning I have to wake up bright and early to take the ACT. Not so fun. I really need to do well, so wish me luck! After I've finished the test, we're going to Topeka for family photos with my dad's side of the family...which will be interesting. I'm not sure what I'll do on Sunday yet, hopefully it's sunny so I can try to get a tan! What are your weekend plans?

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Can I Just Rant?

      Happy Wednesday! My week so far has been less than perfect. My job as a camp assistant has been super stressful, I've barely studied for the ACT which is on Saturday, and I just learned that my family can't go on a vacation this year because my mom can't get time off. For the class I'm assisting this week, it's a drama class and the kids are doing a play for their parents on Friday. The teacher is making me participate in the play, which means I have to memorize nineteen lines. Um, I have to study for the ACT. I don't have time to memorize lines. I shouldn't even have to have homework for my job! When I'm home, I need to be studying for the ACT, preparing for college visits, or doing whatever else I want to. Not doing extra work for a stupid play. If I don't do well on this ACT I'm going to be in so much trouble because I've had "so much time" to study.
      All of my friends are doing really fun stuff this summer -- some are even going to Europe. Once again, though, I will be working all summer. Shouldn't my mom have looked into vacation time earlier so we could have gone somewhere as a family? Not Europe by any means, just somewhere in the good ol' Midwest. But we can't even do that. I thought I was going to get two weeks off work because I'm doing two college visits in a couple weeks, then one in July. The summer program supervisor told me after work today that I would still be working the other days of those weeks though, so I'm worried I'm going to be working every single week all summer. Twelve whole weeks at my job will actually kill me. It's only been a week and a half, and I already can't do it anymore. I'm just so done.
      So thanks for letting me rant, I really needed to get that off my chest. :)

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

College Search Tension

      Happy Monday! Today was a typical Monday for me: I had to go to work, which was a long six-and-half hours, then my parents gave me this talk about how I need to be doing more for my college search process. I'm usually never the kid who needs to be told to get off their butt and do stuff, because I always do it on my own. So that was really weird. I keep telling myself that I can wait to start seriously thinking about college, that I have time. And for most kids my age, that's probably the case. But since I'm looking at some state schools, I have to apply by July 1st for housing stuff. I honestly don't really understand anything about college or the application process. No one has really told me what to do yet since my school won't seriously advise us until the fall, and my parents are just expecting me to simply apply to all these schools.
      If you're new to My Life as a Wallflower, let me fill you in: I go to a private school where almost everyone except me is very wealthy. They're looking at very prestigious schools all over the country and it's embarrassing enough when I have to tell them I have to stay in-state. Even worse, my parents are suggesting schools that I feel fall short of my expectations and the expectations of my peers. I appreciate the fact that I'm very lucky to go to college and some people won't ever be able to attend, but some of these colleges, I feel, aren't worth sixteen years of private school education.
      Maybe I'm so lacking in motivation and drive for the college search because my parents have repeatedly made it clear that my options are so limited. I hate when people at school talk about college at all because they get to choose wherever they want, when I've only got about three colleges to apply to. If money weren't an issue, I feel like I could also get into the schools my friends talk about, and I would be happy there. I'm just so scared that I'm going to end up in a school I'm embarrassed to go to and I'm going to carry that bitterness and resentment with me for the rest of my life because I could have done better. I'm certainly not the smartest in my class, but I'm just as smart or smarter than a lot of them, yet they're going to do more with their lives because of how much money their parents have. It's so hard for me to care about where I go when I've been told by all of my friends that the schools I'm looking at aren't good schools; that we're better than those schools. So why try? If wherever I end up isn't "good enough" for me, should I even care? Why should I try so hard for a school where most of the students don't know how to write a 3-5 paged essay? I wanted my college search to be so fun, like it is for most other seniors. I'll probably just be disappointed wherever I go.

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

First Time Camping for the Season

      Happy Sunday! Yesterday right after I took the SAT Subject Tests for Literature and U.S. History (yuck), we hooked up the trailer to our truck and went to Pomona Lake to go camping for the first time this year! Camping is absolutely one of my favorite things to do during the summer, and I miss it so much during the school year. Although it was a little chilly for me and it wasn't the lake we usually go to, I had fun painting, eating junk food, and watching movies. I usually like to ride my bike, take my dogs on walks, make s'mores, play croquet, and spend more time outside, but the weather didn't permit that stuff this time. Hopefully I'll get to do those things next time we go camping!
      So last time I talked about how I wanted to do some more crafty things at the lake, and I painted a picture of the lake last night! I just used cheap paints, paintbrushes, and a canvas, and I thought everything I used worked pretty well. It was so relaxing to just paint while gazing into the sunset. Last night was a little cloudier than I would have liked, and I was facing the complete opposite direction of the sun, unfortunately, so it looks pretty dark.

(Ignore me) Can you kind of see a resemblance?

Close-up!

I wish the sky had turned out a little lighter, and the water doesn't really look like water, but I'm proud of myself for doing something artistic! I'll have to do another craft soon!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Getting Crafty

      Happy Thursday! I'm super excited that it's almost the end of the week because this weekend my family is going camping at Lake Pomona! We usually go camping three or four times each summer and this weekend will be the first one this year. I typically like to read, ride my bike, take my dogs on a walk, swim at the beach, and eat s'mores. This time there's something new I want to try: crafts! For as long as I can remember, I've never been the artistic/crafty type; in fact I'm really quite terrible at those things. But recently I've gotten the urge to paint. I don't know why, maybe it's from seeing paintings on Pinterest or from my visit to the art museum today, but something about painting seems very therapeutic.
      After work today I went to Joann's and got canvases, paint brushes, and paint. I wish I could have gotten nice acrylic paint, but they're pretty expensive so I just got a cheap set with your basic colors. I would really like to paint the sunset at the lake this weekend, it's usually very pretty! Hopefully my cheap paint will be sufficient! Also, I see a lot of cool crafts with Mason jars, so I got one of those as well. Maybe I'll make a candle or paint the inside and put flowers in them. I can't wait to see how my crafts turn out!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

New Addiction: Gossip Girl

      Happy Saturday! So I know I'm pretty late on the Gossip Girl bandwagon, but I knew that I wanted to watch it this summer and I'm SO GLAD I DID. If you haven't watched it yet, I highly recommend getting a Netflix account just so you can watch this show! It's definitely not my favorite show ever, or the best quality, but something about it is so addictive. You can't help but want to have the glamorous life of Blair Waldorf, and you can't help falling in love with Nate's face (he's absolutely gorgeous). I only started watching them last night and I'm already on episode 8; I seriously can't stop watching them. I wish I lived on the Upper East Side of New York City, lived in the penthouse of the Plaza Hotel, had a chauffeur who drove me in a limo everywhere, and attended the most lavish parties...sigh. A girl can dream, can't she?

Aren't they so beautiful?

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

SUMMER

      Happy Thursday! Today I finished my last final and at commencement dinner I officially became a senior! I didn't expect to feel so cool when I thought of becoming a senior. I don't want to have too high of expectations, but I feel like your senior year of high school is kind of one of the most important years of your life. It's your last year living with your parents (hopefully), your last year as a "child," and your last year before you have to enter the real world. It's very frightening because I know I'm going to have to do a lot of hard work and figure out where I'm going to college, but I'm also excited because the pay-off is going to be amazing. My friend and I are going to celebrate the start of summer tomorrow by going on a shopping spree, I can't wait! I want this weekend to be super fun, since the rest of the summer is going to be spent at work. If you still have finals: hang in there, they'll be over soon! Good luck!

Carpe Diem,

Brooke

Start Living

      Happy Wednesday! I've got four finals down, one to go! Unfortunately, it's math, which is one of my worst subjects. And since it's the last day and I'm so close to summer, my brain is completely fried and I don't have the energy to study for/care about finals. Even though I am looking forward to the end of school, I'm not exactly looking forward to the start of summer, because summer means summer job. I don't have a bad summer job, but I do really regret not having a summer because I work pretty much every day for the whole twelve weeks of summer (yep, on my first day of summer I'll be up at 6 am to go to work). Everyone else gets to go to the pool or go on vacation and hang out with their friends and do the typical fun summer stuff, but I don't really get to do that, so it's a bummer.
      I know I'm being a bit of a snobby brat about it, because plenty of kids really need a job and mine really isn't that bad, but I watched a video today that made me think about how I live:

 

"You don't have to find out you're dying to start living."

Can you honestly say that you live as if you'll die tomorrow? I know I can't; I've spent the past week in the same hunched-over position studying for finals. I know it's not reasonable for an average healthy person to live as if today is their last day, but I seriously think I could do a lot better at not taking tomorrow for granted. There's so much that I want to do that I'm lucky enough to have the time for (aka I'm not terminally ill) but I always have an excuse to not do things. For example, I really want to travel. But I need to save my money for college. I really want to get fit and become more active. But Friends is on TV. I really want to quit my summer job and actually enjoy the precious three months I have away from school. But, once again, I need the money for college. 

      The fact of the matter is that I need to start living my own life, not living on the terms of someone else. However, it's really hard to judge whether you should do something because you want to, even though it may not be the "smart choice." Like quitting my job would be great, but I actually really do need that money. So do I do what I want, or what's "right"? I should probably try to find a balance of the two: keep the job, but set aside some money from every paycheck to spend on something I want. Sounds like a good plan! I'll try to do more things my way in the near future :)

Carpe Diem,

Brooke

Best Study Music Ever

      Happy Sunday! So this weekend I have finally commenced the studying of the dreaded finals, which are on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I have finals for Latin IV, U.S. History, English, Physics, and Pre-Calculus. I've slaved over translations, essays, and what feels like hundreds of pages of notes. And I wouldn't have been able to do it without the help of these three soundtracks/album to listen to. Usually I listen to The Neigbourhood Radio on Pandora, but since I've become familiar with most of the songs, I can't help but sing along and get distracted.
      The Bon Iver album is lyrical, but the vocals are so mellow and almost subtle so that it's really not distracting for me at all, and my favorite song on the album is "For Emma." I've loved The Last of the Mohicans since I was a little girl, and I've always loved the music, but I just started listening to it to help me study today, and it's so effective! It's so passionate, and it makes studying exciting (never thought I'd use "studying" and "exciting" in the same sentence). My favorite song from the soundtrack is "The Kiss." I just discovered the Amelie soundtrack today and it is such a gem; the French classics and modern pop create a beautiful and catchy melody. I can't get enough of it, and I keep putting the Theme on repeat.

1. Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago



2. Trevor Jones: The Last of the Mohicans

3. Yann Tiersen: Amelie

If you're also preparing for your finals, best of luck and I hope this music helps you out!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Working Girl

      Happy Friday! Although I'm glad it's the end of the week, this weekend is going to be miserable because I have to cram everything for my finals, plus I had to babysit tonight, I have to babysit tomorrow night, and I have to go to a thespian thing on Sunday. Oh yeah, and still no motivation to study. I went through some Latin translations while I was babysitting earlier, but I still have so much to do that this weekend just seems like Mission: Impossible. Also, I just got my work schedule today for the first three weeks of summer, and I'm working all three. I know that I'm very lucky to have a good job, but I just can't help but hate the fact that my friends get to do all these cool things and travel the world while I'm stuck working every single day.
      Oh, did I even tell you what my summer job is? I work at my school, which has a summer camp thing and I work as an assistant to the teachers in their classes. It's not so bad for the first couple of weeks, and then you start to get kind of tired of the kids, and then you have another ten weeks and you end up wanting to do something drastic. In fact, during the summer, I miss school. I can't even explain properly why I'm not the biggest fan of my job; maybe it's because the parents kind of treat me like the hired help, and I've never been treated like that before I started working there. If you haven't experienced it, let me tell you: it's not the best feeling.
   
Wish me luck with studying for finals...

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

The Neigbourhood

      Happy Thursday! I still haven't started studying for my finals, which start next Tuesday. I keep feeling like I'm done after tomorrow, which is the last day of classes. I always find excuses to not study, like taking super long showers, shaving (something I rarely do...), and painting my nails. I just can't find the motivation to study! I know I'm going to hate myself so much for not studying come Monday night, but my future self is just going to have to live with it because I don't care one bit about my finals right now (oh how that opinion will change tomorrow night when I have to realize that I have to re-learn five months' worth of material for five different classes).
      You know what a great album to procrastinate to is? I Love You by The Neighbourhood. You've probably heard their song "Sweater Weather" on the radio, but their whole album is just on point. I particularly like "How," "Female Robbery," and "Alleyways." I also highly recommend listening to The Neigbourhood Radio on Pandora, which I've been listening to non-stop for about a week now. It plays a lot of Bon Iver, U2, Coldplay, plus a lot of indie stuff that I've never heard of, but I love it.

I hope you enjoy your weekend, I'll be spending mine (hopefully) studying!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

So Close, Yet So Far

      Happy Wednesday! I'm super happy right now because I finished my second and last AP exam today! It was AP U.S. History, and it was brutal, but I'm fairly confident that I passed, which is all that matters to get college credit. Now the end of the school year is so close that I can almost taste it...except that I have to take five finals next week. And I haven't started studying for any of them. Maybe it's just because it's the end of the school year, maybe it's because of the beautiful summer weather, but I can't seem to find the motivation to study. I just don't care anymore.
      You know how I always sign my posts "Carpe Diem, Brooke"? Carpe Diem is one of my favorite quotes, not only because I take Latin, but it's so beautiful in its simplicity. It's a nice little reminder that our existence in life is just a millisecond compared to eternity, so we need to take the precious time we have and spend it how we want to, instead of worrying about trivial little things like tests. I actually really resent the government and whoever else is "in charge" because at one point they decided how everyone was going to live their lives, to a certain extent, but I really can't break out of the system if I want to be successful (unfortunately.) I guess I will have to study for my physics test...even though I'd rather be in a Parisian cafe reading beautiful poems and novels and drinking coffee :)

Carpe Diem,
Brooke :)

The Great Gatsby

      Happy Friday! Sorry I haven't been posting as regularly; I've been super busy studying for AP exams. Today I had my very first AP ever: AP English Language and Composition. It was miserable. English is definitely my best/favorite subject, but four straight hours of reading and writing for a grade that determines whether you get college credit is not so fun. I'm pretty sure I passed, but I wish I could have done better. Oh, well, what's done is done. Now I have to worry about the AP U.S. History, which is next Wednesday and it's supposed to be one of the hardest APs!
      Anyway, today after school my friend and I were so drained from the test and we decided to reward ourselves by seeing The Great Gatsby, which opened today! We read the novel recently in English, so we were super excited to see the movie. I encourage everyone to see it; it's definitely one of my new favorite movies. DiCaprio has to get his long-awaited Oscar for this one! I feel like the film itself was very innovative in that the image was very clear and sharp, but the best part was the acting. Carey Mulligan and Tobey Maguire as Daisy and Nick were also great. I want to watch it all over again!
      Now, I must return to mindlessly reading AP flashcards...

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

My Favorite Musicals

      Happy Monday! Sorry I haven't posted in the past few days; I've been super busy working on the play, studying for AP exams, and watching TV. Typical. So the thespian group at my school can't stop talking about next year's musical, which is supposed to be announced next Monday. Everyone thinks we'll probably do Fiddler on the Roof (which, unfortunately, I haven't seen) but they want to do Les Mis or Sweeney Todd (both of which, quite frankly, are very far out of range for our school). Musicals are my favorite things; they're a concert, a play, and a grand ole time wrapped up in one. If I had to pick my favorite musicals, this is what they would be:

1. Grease

2. Mamma Mia

 

3. Sweeney Todd

4. Les Miserables

5. The Phantom of the Opera

Do you like any of these musicals, or are there any others that you prefer?

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Miss Representation

      Happy Friday! So a club at my school showed an optional viewing of a documentary called Miss Representation, which is about how women are portrayed in the media and how it affects our lives. I always knew that the media portrays most women as either dumb blondes who exist to make babies and put dinner on the table or as evil bitches who nag about everything, but after watching the documentary I saw how much more in-depth it is than I thought. We have been taught things since a very young age about gender stereotypes that we don't even recognize them as sexist; it's just what we perceive as normal, it's how things should be. But it shouldn't.
      Did you know that 1 in 4 women have been or will be in an abusive relationship? Did you know that 78% of 17-year-old girls are unhappy with their bodies? Did you know that only 34 women have ever been governors, but 2,319 men have been governors? Did you know that 51% of women are the American population, yet only 17% of Congress is women? This isn't okay! How have humans been around for over a billion years and we're still so delayed in development? The documentary says that all of these statistics are because of the media, where men are taught that if they aren't masculine  (or even violent) or if they show emotion, then they aren't being real "men," and if women don't have big boobs and a tiny waist or act like they're stupid, then they are undesirable to men.
      Women are shown as sex objects in the media every day and we don't blink an eye. You might think I'm overreacting, but I've never been so furious in my life. How have we put up with this for so long? Eating disorders shouldn't exist. Abusive relationships shouldn't exist. Rape shouldn't exist. And yet they do. They are major components of many people's lives, every single day. If I have any male readers: please know that it's okay to show your feelings. Having emotions is what makes humans, humans. And if you ever see anyone being disrespectful to a woman/women as a whole, please take a stand. Getting men on board is half the battle. To the girls: you are beautiful in every way. I know from personal experience that it's so much easier said than done, but loving yourself is the key to happiness. Never go under the knife. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
      I'd like to share a story with you. When I was around 7 or 8 years old, I have this vivid memory that I was running laps around my backyard. I would run maybe 10 laps, and then run inside and jump on the scale and weigh myself, then go back outside and repeat the process, trying so see if I could lose any weight. At 7 or 8 years old, I was already taught to worry about my weight. I couldn't have weighed more than 45 pounds and I was already weighing myself on the scale. My mom discovered what I was doing, and I remember being so confused as to why she was yelling at me because I thought I was doing something good, something healthy. Later, in third grade I decided I was going to stop eating lunch, so my mom (who works at my school as the alumni director) had to eat lunch with me. This shouldn't happen, but I can assure you that my story is very tame compared to many other girls and boys who obsess over their physical appearance. I could go on for a lot longer, but I'm getting tired and I have to wake up early tomorrow morning. I strongly encourage everyone to watch the documentary; it is truly life-changing.

Be the change that you want to see in the world.

Carpe Diem,

Brooke

     

Where is the Love?

      Happy Thursday! Do you ever have one of those days where nothing goes right at all? It seems like I've been having a lot of those days recently. Maybe even some of those weeks. This isn't normal. I'm usually the girl who's in a pretty good mood, the girl who is genuinely smiling. I don't genuinely smile very much any more. And I honestly don't even know why. Maybe it's because it's snowing in May, maybe I've lost faith in humanity.
      I listened to a heartbreaking interview on NPR with a father of one of the children killed in the Sandy Hook shooting. I saw a boy flip off a driver in the street. A guy in my grade called me two very mean names. Tonight an old lady was very rude to me. I never see people being nice any more. People (including myself) seem to be more selfish than ever. Is there something wrong with the world, or is it that I have a negative attitude about everything? I find myself thinking pessimistically, and bad things seem to happen to me. I get bad grades on tests, my skin breaks out, I gain weight, and it seems like I'm more alone day by day. Whenever I try to change my attitude, something else happens to bring me down. When does the cycle end?

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Aspirational

      Happy Tuesday! I pretty much just got a four-day weekend because today was Academic Excellence Day at school, when we have our annual awards assembly and the seniors give their Capstone presentations, which is a major project they work on for most of the second semester over any topic they choose. Unfortunately, I didn't win any awards but seeing people win awards definitely helped to motivate me to try harder so that maybe next year I could win an award! Not that I don't already try very hard in school, but I definitely got an extra kick to step it up a notch. The presentations were also very enjoyable; the ones I went to were about psychopaths, serial killers, body language, how men and women communicate, occupational therapy, and developmental delays (those last two were my favorite!).
      Although I loved having a four-day weekend, I missed a day of review for my Latin test which is tomorrow and I'm really hoping it all just comes to me tomorrow, because after several hours of slaving over the translations, I have no idea how to translate most of the sentences. Also, math? No clue how to do anything, and we have a quiz tomorrow. Wish me luck, I need it!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

      Happy Monday! Today was so fun; I went to the Junior Day at the University of Kansas! I absolutely loved it, but I have a big problem: I love Washburn University, Kansas State University, and the University of Kansas. A lot. I don't know how I'll be able to choose which one I'll go to. I guess it's also a good thing that I'm only a junior and I already know that I'll probably be going to one of those three schools, which is very exciting! I plan on applying to all three over the summer, which is super early but I don't see any harm in applying. I meet all of the basic requirements for the ACT, SAT, and my GPA, so the only question now is scholarships. I hope I can kick up those test scores and my GPA so that money won't be as much of an issue! I made a pros/cons list of each school right after the visit:

1. Washburn University
Pros: 

• Great scholarship opportunities
• Beautiful campus
• Really cool new recreation center
• Nice dorms
• Great Greek life
• Living and learning center
• Awesome study abroad program

Cons:

• It's in Topeka, KS (not exactly the ideal college town)
• Missing out on the broad network
• No special education program :(

2. Kansas State University
Pros:

• Beautiful campus
• Great Greek life
• Affordable tuition
• Good distance from home
• Manhattan rocks

Cons:

• Too big?
• My family hates K-State (yes, this is a legitimate con)

3. University of Kansas
Pros:

• Beautiful campus
•  One of the best Special Education programs in the nation
• Study abroad 
• KU Basketball (major pro)
• I've always been a KU fan
• Lawrence is the best college town
• Great Honors program (but it's super competitive and I probably can't get in)
• Scholarship halls

Cons:

• Huge classes
• Huge campus
• Greek life probably wouldn't work for me at KU

Do you have any advice for helping me pick? I know I have a super long time before I need to make this decision, but I want to know where I want to go to college ASAP! Have a great rest of your week!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Endings

      Happy Sunday! Today was spent at the APUSH review session, babysitting, and watching TV. Friends quickly became one of my favorite shows (certainly my favorite sitcom...sorry, HIMYM), and it was on TV this morning. Except that the two episodes scheduled to play weren't just any two episodes...they were the last two episodes of the entire series. You might think I'm crazy, but I had to ask myself if I was emotionally ready to watch the last two episodes ever. I decided that I would have to watch them eventually, and I'm glad I did. I laughed a lot, but mostly I cried. It was the perfect ending to the perfect show, except that I didn't want it to end. You're probably thinking: why does she care so much about some TV show? I also asked myself this question. I think it's because it's so easy to relate to Friends, even though I don't live in NYC with cool friends. I really feel like I'm friends with Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe. If you still think I'm weird, watch a few episodes of the show and tell me you don't feel the same way. Obviously, other episodes of Friends will still be on every day, but it's still sad to know that it ended. I heard a rumor that there was going to be a Friends 10th reunion episode next Thanksgiving, but my mom said it wasn't true :(

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Another Exciting Saturday (Not Really)

      Happy Saturday! Today was pretty uneventful; I watched Out of Africa (Robert Redford was so attractive) and Clueless (one of my favorite movies from my birth year), then I went to work on the play which is pretty annoying since all I'm doing is box office and I had to take three hours of my day to work on it when people who are actually in the play didn't even show up, then I babysat which was good because I needed to make some money. Tomorrow I have to go to the AP US History review then babysit for a different family. I just want to stay home and eat ice cream, is that really too much to ask?

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Stressed

      Happy Friday! So today, for the first time ever, I got a 0% on a quiz in Latin. ZERO PERCENT. It was a twenty-point quiz over the chapters in the book we're reading, I obviously didn't read, and I got a zero on it. Definitely the low point of my week. Not gonna lie, I'm seriously not liking my Latin class at the moment, but I never thought I would care less enough to just get a zero! I can't even begin to imagine what that one zero is going to do to my grade. I wouldn't be so worried if I'd been getting A's on all of the other tests/quizzes but that's just not the case, my friends. We have a quiz pretty much every day in Latin (one of the many reasons I'm hating it) so it's really hard for me to find the motivation to study for them every single day. Therefore, my grade is probably really low in that class, which sucks because I'm supposed to finish my junior year strong.
      I'm also really struggling in math right now because I have absolutely no clue about anything we're learning. Nada, zip, zero, zilch. I have a quiz next week and I'm probably gonna get a zero on that too because I couldn't answer a single question about parabolas or ellipses. And I used to think I was relatively smart. HA. I have no clue what my grade is in physics, but since it's pretty much just a general rule that I'm awful in every science class I've ever had, it can't be too good.
      Even history and English, my two most solid classes, have me worried! We have this really big project called the Oral History Project where we have to interview people and compare their experiences to what history textbooks say about those time periods. Quite interesting, but for each progressive step we have to turn a certain thing in, and so far I'm not doing too well.
      I used to be such a good student! Why am I so lazy and unmotivated? And why did I have to lose all my motivation right when I need it the most? I'm so stressed right now; my back is killing me from my heavy backpack, it's not even 10:30 and I'm already exhausted, I feel like I'm always in a terrible mood, and all I can think about is how I need to read 100 pages, write a practice AP English essay, study for the AP US History exam, work on my OHP, study for my Latin quiz, study for my math quiz, and study for my English quiz. Plus a bunch of other things I'm probably forgetting. How is this supposed to be good for me, worrying all the time? I can't remember the last time I wasn't feeling stressed. I'm so done with school; I can't go on with this for another month. I'M JUST REALLY STRESSED, GUYS.

Success! (Finally)

      Happy Thursday! Today didn't start off so great; I lost the ten dollars that my mom gave me to buy candy to hand out to help me influence people to vote for me for president of community service club, then on the way from the grocery store to school I accidentally cut someone off and they honked at me for a really long time, which made me cry (I'm very sensitive...). Then I had to spend the whole morning trying to convince people to take the time to vote for me, which was pretty weird. I was up against three of the most popular girls in the whole school, and even though there are four leadership positions, I was sure that I wouldn't be elected.
      There were a total of ten people running, and I never win anything (ever) so I didn't get my hopes up. During my free period, however, I got an email saying that I had been selected as one of the leaders and two of those popular girls didn't even make it. It was pretty much the best thing ever. Next I had to email the faculty sponsor saying why I should be the president of the club (also super weird) as opposed to VP, secretary, or treasurer. Hopefully I'll find out tomorrow! Not gonna lie, I'm going to be super disappointed if I'm not the president because I feel super lucky right now for some reason. I never win anything, but not today! Little ol' Brooke finally gets her time to shine!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

My Favorite Things to Do

      Happy Wednesday! Today was pretty good; my school's lacrosse team beat one of our rivals 8-4! Also, I haven't had very much homework so far this week! I'm pretty tired so I'm going to cut to the chase: here are my favorite things to do!

1. Read books

Nothing better than a good book

2. Bake

Baking, of course, leads to eating!

3. Make lists

Something I'm doing right now! :)

4. Primp

I love getting all dolled up for dances!

5. Watch KU Basketball

My all-time favorite moment in KU Basketball history

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Feeling Philosophical

      Happy Tuesday! I've officially been 18 for one week! Today seemed to be centered around thoughts and philosophy for some reason. This morning in Latin my friend gave a presentation on Stoicism, which is an ancient philosophy with the ideas that one should only live with the bare minimum (food, water, and air) to be happy. It preaches that humans can be happy in any conditions because they have control over their attitude, therefore nothing can make us unhappy without our consent.  Also, humans should try to be virtuous and avoid vices. I make it sound pretty simple, but the details of Stoicism are actually very complex and I don't understand most of it!
      Some people in my class argued that if something truly terrible happened to someone, they won't be able to control their emotions (hence, being "stoic") therefore Stoicism is unreasonable and illogical. There's definitely a part of me that agrees with this idea; if one of my parent's died or I became paralyzed or something like that, I'm not just going to change my attitude about it  and try to look on the bright side, I'm going to ask why it happened to me, and I'll probably feel wronged and bitter.
      Then someone mentioned 9/11 and the recent Boston Marathon bombing and I had a new idea: if my mom was in the World Trade Center on 9/11 or if I lost my legs because of a bomb during the Boston Marathon, I think I would ultimately try my best to (loosely) forgive Al Qaeda or the Russian brothers responsible, not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because I deserve tranquility, which cannot possibly be achieved if I hold resentment toward those responsible. I think this idea can be applied to most bad things that happen in our lives, especially the big things.
      Sometimes the hardest parts of life are when you are responsible for the bad things that happen to you. If only you had tried harder in school, if only you hadn't made that decision, etc... In those situations, I think you have to do your best to (yet again) give yourself peace of mind by forgiving yourself because everyone makes mistakes. Failing is a part of life, and even though it's not enjoyable, it is inevitable and it's better to accept that than to question why it is so. Whew, glad I got that rant off my chest!

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

Helpless

      Happy Monday! Have you ever had a friend who seems to be going down the wrong road, and all you can do is stare helplessly? That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. One of my best friends whom I've known since Kindergarten is in a bad place right now. She's been through so much, such as her father's death, and she's dealt with it in the worst ways possible. She's one of the kindest and overall best people I know, but she's a completely different person than the girl that I know and love as a sister. She's involved in things now that I never thought she'd do, and I've tried everything I can to help her.
      One might think that I'm intruding, that I'm meddling in her business where her family should be taking over. This thought has haunted me for the past three years, because I don't want her family to assume that I think I always know what's best for her. However, she has completely detached herself from her family. She's moved out and refuses to speak to her mother. Her mother has stopped trying to reach out to my friend. My dad's dad died when he was only 16, and reacted the same way that my friend did. This is my last effort: my dad has convinced her to listen to his story. I really think that she'll see that if she continues on this road, she'll end up in a horrible situation. If this doesn't work, then I'm afraid that there's nothing left that I'll be able to do, and it's killing me. I'm her best friend, and I feel partially responsible for her, so I'm going to do everything in my power to get her back on the right track, but it's so hard because she's so uncooperative. I know that her dad would want me to help her as much as possible, but I'm scared that she'll get sick of me trying to help her, and she'll detach herself from me as well. Please send your thoughts to her, because she needs all the help she can get. I hope my dad can help her. I'm just so helpless right now, and I hate it.

Carpe Diem,
Brooke

CHICAGO!

      Happy Sunday! Around 7:30 this morning, my choir returned to KC. I was both miserable and ecstatic while on the trip to Chicago and back. On Thursday night, we left around 10 pm and had to spend the night on the bus. This was the miserable part. It was impossible to sleep at all. The chairs were so uncomfortable and I didn't get a single minute of sleep. We stopped at Denny's for breakfast where we had to change in this tiny little bathroom and brush our teeth. After another two hours, we finally arrived in Downtown, Chicago where we did some shopping on Michigan Avenue. We were in a bit of a hurry, I didn't buy anything, and it was snowing. Still not so fun.
      Two hour drive to the hotel, an hour-long wait for our room, quickly got ready for dinner, two hour drive to the restaurant, ate dinner, then saw American Idiot. It was Green Day songs with kind of a story line but not really. It was cool, I like it. Two hour drive back to the hotel, and I finally got to sleep. It was beautiful. We woke up early the next morning, had breakfast, then drove to the high school for our competition. We thought we sang well, but the judge critiqued us pretty harshly. After all the schools finished singing, we went to a mall where I did some shopping. The mall was amazing, it was so huge! After an hour-long drive, we arrived at Medieval Times. It's like Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede, but the Renaissance version. We ate dinner and watched the show there, and it was also where the awards ceremony happened.
      After the show, everyone in my choir (around 70 kids) held hands because we wanted to go to New York City so badly. There are three categories, and we won gold for all of them! We were screaming so loud that I thought I would tear my vocal cords! Then, we were told that we got invited to sing in Carnegie Hall in NEW YORK CITY!! We all screamed and cried and I had never been so happy in my life. We really didn't think we'd done that well, but we won! See you next April, NYC!

The most delicious Chicago deep-dish pizza ever!

Pretty columns

The Bean!!

Millennium Park

Under the Bean!

Me in the Bean!

The Bean!

Downtown Chicago

In front of the Chicago Art Institute

The Cadillac Theatre, where we saw American Idiot

My friend and me at Medieval Times!

 

The Green Knight won!!

      Last night's bus ride back to KC was also pretty rough (still no sleep) but I did sleep for quite a while when I got home. Overall, the trip was so fun and I'm so glad I went! Now I have to do my homework... :(

Carpe Diem,
Brooke